Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You have to summon your inner elephant
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
