Cold hands, warm shart.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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