Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
