Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
