$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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