he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
