around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
