Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
