There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
They took my balls.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
