She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
