I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
