I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
