i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
