I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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