She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Randomize
