After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
time to smoke my breakfast
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
