Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
