I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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