Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
She just used a chaser for red wine.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I need to wash the frat house off of me
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
