Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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