Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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