Already got asked if we're dating
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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