My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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