i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
