A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
