Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
