Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
either way he was missing a nipple.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
