I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
barbara walters just said penis...
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
