Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i would punch a child for taco bell
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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