You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
If its not for food we ain't going out.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
