help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Randomize