Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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