If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
