I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He literally asked permission to hit on me
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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