She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
