What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
