There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize