omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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