feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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