I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
