And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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