He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize