Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
