onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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