I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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