So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
