I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
