My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
i out mim tonsoeep
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