I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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