I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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