We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
