youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
