This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize