Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I think a kid would responsible me up
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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