Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
