No, drunk sperm still make babies.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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