Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
