this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
