Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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