I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
