Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
