everyone is single if you try hard enough
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
