The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
