Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
