If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
