when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
