The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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