he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
