used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
