what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
