I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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