I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I touched a dick in church today
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
