after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
