You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize