Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
