You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
