His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
