I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
