I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i came on her dog
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
