Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize