You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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