A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
