I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
