Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
