Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
