Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
