Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
