does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
