Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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