ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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