so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
May the power of my ass compel you!!
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
