Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
