so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
