Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
