piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
