if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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