Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
