So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
