I love black thongs
I intend to get homeless drunk
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
