Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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