How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
