glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize